Fullmetal babysitter
by Blur daydreamerXXX
Summary: One day, Tucker cooks dinner. Edward had enough sense not to eat it. But the next day, everyone except Ed has turned into 5-year olds. What's our favourite Fullmetal Alchemist gonna do now?
1. How it all began

Ok, this is my first FMA fanfic... First chapter's kinda short, but hopefully the other chapters will be longer? hehe...

This story doesn't fit anywhere in the FMA storyline, but then, who cares? :D Enjoy!

* * *

"I'm home…" The Fullmetal Alchemist called, slamming the door shut behind him as he dragged his tattered self through the living room and plopped down onto the couch.

"Oh, Ed! Welcome back!" Winry grinned as she greeted him and walked over, a glass of water in her hands. "So how was your training today? And where's Al and Izumi-san?" She asked, and handed him the water. Edward took it with his mechanical hand and gulped it down in three seconds, exhaling once he was done.

"I used too much energy during training, so Master told me to come home and rest first in case I faint or something. She and Al should finish training in another 2 more hours." He frowned at the thought of skipping 2 hours of training, but yawned. Winry smiled at him.

"You should go get some rest… Tucker-san hasn't finished making dinner, anyway. I'll call you down when it is though!" She said, and pushed Edward up the stairs. He was about to protest, but he yawned again, and he sighed.

"Fine, I'll go sleep… but you don't have to wake me up because I'm not going to eat dinner…" _'Or anything that Tucker cooks, for that matter…'_ He grumbled, squinting his eyes at Winry once before he went to his room. Winry grinned, and ran over to the basement.

----~~----~~----

"Tucker-san! Is dinner ready yet?" She called, almost tripping on one of Tucker's experiments on the floor. "Aw, it's so dark in here… It's amazing how Tucker-san can see in here, isn't it!" She muttered to herself. Tucker was in one corner of the basement, standing over a pot of what looked like soup. He grinned when he saw Winry.

"Dinner should be ready soon, Winry-chan! You should go upstairs and wait.. I'll go up when I'm done…" Winry smiled at him.

"Okay! Oh, and Tucker-san? Colonel Mustang, Lieutenant Hawkeye and Major Armstrong will be coming over for dinner later, and Ed won't be eating!" She said and went up, humming to herself. Tucker's eyes followed her as she went up the stairs, before he chuckled.

"Winry-chan… she is a nice girl, isn't she?" He said, looking in his book. "Where was I… Oh right, two spoonfuls of salt …" He reached up and randomly grabbed a container of greenish blue powder, adding two spoonfuls of it to the mixture.

"And leave to boil for another 15 minutes…" He looked up from his book and grinned to himself. "I have a feeling my cooking should be successful this time… Hehe…"

* * *

The next day, Edward awoke to the sound of children crying. He rubbed his eyes, yawned and ran downstairs. At that moment, his jaw dropped to China.

There, in the middle of the living room, four 5-year old children were crying. Four 5-year olds that looked a lot like Winry, Mustang, Hawkeye and Armstrong. He blinked once, twice, before scanning the area. On the coffee table was a small piece of paper, and Ed walked over to pick it up.

"Dear Ed, something went wrong with the soup last night… Will be in the basement making an antidote. In the meantime, babysit the five... or four of them… Shou… Tucker… P.S. If you can't find Alphonse, he's in the basement with me... Apparently he turned into a rock..." He read aloud, before crushing the note in his auto-mail hand.

A five-year old Roy Mustang started to pull on Ed's ponytail. Edward clenched his fists and screamed.

"TUCKER!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Hehe, so that's pretty much what happened. Just in case anyone gets confused, Izumi didn't eat dinner with them so she didn't turn into a five-year old monster. And in this story, Tucker's not a chimera.


	2. In the afternoon

Okies, here's chapter 2! i would have updated earlier, but my internet suddenly just died so i had to wait until my uncle help to get it going again before i could start updating.

Anyways, enough of that, let's get to the edward-bullying :D

* * *

Edward sat at the dining table, his left hand supporting his head while he drank coffee with a bored expression. In the meantime, Roy was still pulling hair out of Ed's ponytail, and successfully plucked out 624 strands of hair in the process. Edward's expression changed from bored to annoyed to pissed, and he slammed down the now empty mug on the table.

"STOP!! PULLING!! MY!! HAIR!!!!" he yelled at the black haired kid who was clinging on to his back. Roy stopped, frightened by the sudden change in volume. Edward glanced down at the boy, who now had tears welling in his eyes. Edward finally realized what he did, and got off the chair to kneel at Roy's height.

"Oh dang… Uh, don't… don't cry… please?" He tried to comfort the boy, but he only succeeded in making Roy tear up even more. Edward groaned. "Uh… if you stop crying I'll... um… give you anything you want…?" He tried again, and thankfully, Roy stopped crying, a cheeky smile now on his face.

"Oki… Me stop crying if Ed wears miniskirt…" he said, and smiled even wider. Edward flinched, and his face darkened.

"No."

"Please…?"

"No."

"Pretty pretty pweese?"

"I said NO! And those puppy dog eyes won't work on me!"

"……"

"… Oh…… OH DAMMIT!! ARGH NONONO… DON'T…!!"

"WA!!!!!!!! ROY WANTS MINISKIRT!!!!"

"AHHH STOP CRYING!!!"

"ROY WANTS MINISKIRTS!!!"

"OK OK FINE! MINISKIRT! ARGH! Stupid Tucker…… stupid kids…… stupid stupid stupid…… stupid miniskirt… stupid everything… There. Happy now?"

"YAY, MINISKIRT!"

"Ugh."

"Eddie's wearing a miniskirt!!~ Yay~ yay~ yay~!"

"… I feel so exposed…"

----~~----~~----

Roy grinned on the sofa as Edward ran around in a miniskirt trying to get Winry and Armstrong to sit still. He turned to the blonde toddler next to him.

"Hallo." He greeted. Riza just continued reading her book of fairy tales.

"Hallo?" He waved a hand in front of her, and she finally noticed him.

"Hi." She said, before going back to her book. Roy pouted.

"You're boring!" He exclaimed. Riza glared at him.

"No I'm not." She retorted. Roy snickered.

"Bookworm!" He laughed at her loudly, until the hard-cover book was thrown at him. Roy was pushed back a bit by the impact, and tears formed in his eyes.

"At least I'm not a cry-baby." Riza replied with a strong stare before turning back to the story book that magically appeared in her hands. Roy wiped away his tears and puffed up his cheeks.

"I'm not a cry-baby!" He insisted. Without glancing up from her book, Riza scooted over and whacked him softly on the head. Roy burst into tears.

"Uh huh." She said. Tearing her gaze from her book, she looked up. "Edward, I want milk." She demanded. Ed stopped for a while, sighed and looked at her.

"Can't you get it yourself? Uh… and why is Roy crying again?!" He groaned. Riza smiled innocently.

"Never mind him, he'll stop crying eventually." She said, still smiling.

"Huh? Yeah, but-"

"Edward Elric, I want my milk." Riza repeated once more, threat evident in her voice. Edward twitched, and finally he gave in, sighing.

"Alright, alright… In a glass or a bottle?" Riza thought for a while.

"Bottle. And make sure the milk is warm. Or else." She instructed before going back to her book. A vein throbbed on Edward's forehead.

"Yeah, sure…" He turned, and his eyes narrowed. "Great, now I'm taking orders from a five-year old…" He mumbled before getting started on the milk.

After a while, Roy decided that Riza was an evil, emotionless weirdo and that he should go pester Edward some more. So walking up to him, he flipped Edward's skirt while said alchemist was pouring milk into a bottle. Edward dropped the bottle in shock.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" He yelled at the boy, a faint blush on his face.

"I don't care, make another bottle." Riza called from the sofa, still reading her book.

Roy grinned at Edward. "Ed wears blue undies." He said simply, before taking off his pants and showing off his blue, miniskirt-print boxers. He grinned even wider. "Roy has blue undies too! ROY AND ED HAVE BLUE UNDIES!! YAY!!~" He yelled suddenly, and started to run around the living room without his pants. Edward groaned, before an idea came to him. He ran upstairs and grabbed the camera.

----~~----~~----

Tucker looked up from the tube of purplish liquid in his hands.

"Weird… for a minute I thought Roy said that he and Ed have blue underwear… Hmm… Well, that can't be right…" He stirred the mixture for another 5 seconds before holding it up to a rock.

"Let's see if this works…" He dripped a bit of the liquid onto it, and after a while, the rock crumbled into dust. Tucker's eyes widened in shock.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!! ALPHONSE!!!!!!! HE'S DEADDD!!! EDWARD'S GONNA KILL ME!!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!!!" He broke down and started crying.

"Um… Tucker-san? I'm over here…" Al called from the shelf. Tucker stared at the rock on the shelf, then at the dust in his hands, then back at the rock. Wiping away his tears, he chuckled.

"Hehe, woops… Wrong rock…" He took Al down from the shelf and poured the liquid onto him. The rock turned into a metal piece.

"Okay… so now I need a more concentrated version of this…" He noted and went back to work.

----~~----~~----

Edward had taken about 15 photos of Roy in his underwear, which he planned to use for blackmail purposes. As he flaunted some of these photos to the still pants-less Roy, the five-year old had discovered that the gloves he wore were there for a purpose other than keeping his hands warm.

The next thing he knew, the photos in his hands, as well as the miniskirt he was wearing were both on fire. Roy laughed as Ed ran around like a headless chicken trying to put it out. Annoyed by all the ruckus, Riza snapped her book shut and climbed onto the kitchen counter. She grabbed the pitcher and poured its contents onto Edward as well as the burning photos before whacking Roy's head, hard.

"I'll keep these. Just in case the house burns down." She pulled the gloves off a protesting Roy and put them in her pocket. "And Edward…" She turned to glare at him.

"It's been 27 minutes and 48 seconds, and I still haven't gotten my milk." She growled. Edward gulped and scrambled towards the kitchen. Riza walked back to the sofa where her book was waiting and climbed up.

"Boys are such idiots…" She muttered under her breath, flipping the book open to her page and continued reading.

* * *

Haha, and yes, Riza got her milk in the end :P

I just realised that I totally forgot about Winry's grandma… and Nina… and that I used the word "before" a lot… woops? o.o

So anyway, that was chapter 2, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! x]


	3. In the evening

Yahou, I'm back! :D Thanks to all those who reviewed/faved this story... really helped boost my confidence :P

I'm not gonna blab on, so... here's chapter three! Enjoy :D

* * *

Edward sighed and collapsed onto the couch. Somehow dinner turned out successful, what with Roy trying to set fire to the food and Winry trying to disassemble the stove.

Thank goodness Hawkeye and Armstrong were there to keep them in check… And that the two of them knew when and how to behave.

Although the fact that the Lieutenant was too mature and that the Major had too much facial hair was just disturbing.

He sighed again and tried to think about the good that could come out of this. He had blackmail photos of Roy and Riza, so maybe he could use those to persuade them for a week's leave or something…

He closed his eyes, smirking to himself. Oh, the look on Mustang's face would be priceless when he turns back to normal and finds out that he was pants-less all this time… speaking of which, he'd better change out of the miniskirt after the kids fall asleep…

Edward felt something tugging on his sleeve, and he opened his eyes to find Hawkeye staring at him. Once she was sure that he was awake, she turned back to her book. Edward sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Riza? What's wrong?" He yawned. Riza's head snapped up to look at him.

"It's rude to yawn without covering your mouth. And I woke you up because…" She pointed to something behind him. He followed the direction of her finger to find Winry disassembling the clock. He yelped, jumped off the couch and ran over to snatch it away.

"Winry! You can't disassemble the clock!" He scolded. Winry looked down, clasping the screwdriver in her hand.

"Sorry…" Edward sighed and flopped back onto the couch. A while passed until Riza started tugging on his sleeve again.

"Huh? What now?" He asked. Riza pointed to Winry, who was disassembling the radio. Again, Edward scrambled off the couch to stop her.

"Winry, you can't disassemble the radio either…" He knelt down to her eye level. Winry puffed her cheeks and stared at her screwdriver.

"Sorry…" she whispered. Edward squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"I'm gonna go… take a shower…" He got up and headed towards the bathroom. "My head's killing me…" He mumbled under his breath. Kids were such a handful…

----~~----~~----

3 minutes after he stripped and got into the shower, he heard someone knocking. He scratched his head and turned off the tap.

"Edward, Winry's outside and she's messing around with the heater..." Riza's voice trailed from behind the door. Edward groaned.

"Ok, hold on a minute!" He yelled, and turned on the water to wash off the shampoo.

"AHHHHHH HOTHOTHOTHOT!!" He screamed, and quickly turned it off. Riza snickered.

"I told you she was messing with the heater." She said calmly. Edward's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, whatever…" He went to the sink to wash off the shampoo and then ran out of the bathroom after wrapping himself in a towel.

"WINRY!!!!" He shouted, bursting through the door and scanning the area for the little blonde kid. Not long after, he started sneezing from the cold. When he finally found Winry, she was standing on a stool, disassembling the heater controls. Edward sighed and carried her down.

"Winry, you can't disassemble the heater controls either!" He said, folding his arms. Winry looked at his arm, then down at her screwdriver.

"Sorry…" Ed sighed in frustration.

"I'm going back to my bath…" He walked into the house, and Winry followed him, all the while staring at his auto-mail… Her grip on the screwdriver tightened.

----~~----~~----

Another few more minutes passed while Ed was in the shower, and another knock at the door made him pause his bath again. He found his towel again, and opened the door, sighing.

"Winry again… right?" Riza nodded, and he walked towards the stairs. At that moment, the lights went off. Edward could hear Roy screaming, and Armstrong was trying to comfort him. Riza magically got out a flashlight and continued reading. Edward sighed once more. "The power controls, eh…"

Once he got there, he found Winry hiding in a corner and crying. His eyes softened and he put a hand on her back.

"Winry, you can't mess with the power controls…" he started, and suddenly he found himself being hugged.

"I'm scared…" she sobbed. Edward sighed and walked over to the power control. It took a long time until the power was restored, and when it was done Edward was shaking from the cold.

"I'm… going to go finish my shower… He got up and was about to walk off when Winry grabbed his hand. He stopped and looked down at her. She clasped her screwdriver in both hands, and looked down with teary eyes.

"S…Sorry…." She said. Edward patted her head with his auto-mail arm, and walked off towards the bathroom while trying to warm himself. Staring at his auto-mail once more, Winry decided to leave that arm alone.

----~~----~~----

He stayed under the warm running water for a while before getting out of the shower. Pulling on a long-sleeved black shirt and a pair of pants, he walked out of the bathroom with his towel around his shoulders.

"Alright brats, time for bed!" He shouted. Riza was the first to get ready, and she walked into Edward's room. Roy grumbled as the rest of them finished and walked in as well. Edward sneezed a couple of times and pulled the towel closer to himself before going in. His head throbbed, and he rubbed his temples, letting out a frustrated growl.

"Eddie, tell us a bedtime story!" Roy said loudly. Already in a bad mood from this afternoon, his constantly-interrupted shower and his aching head, his eyes narrowed at the boy.

"Once upon a time there were four annoying kids and one annoyed babysitter who was also an alchemist. One day the four kids got so annoying, the babysitter decided to transmute up a soundproof cage and put the badly behaved ones inside. Of course, since all of them were annoying, all of them went into the cage and the babysitter lived happily ever after. The end. Now go to sleep." He said quickly before he turned off the lights and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

After a few steps, he banged his head on the wall. Why, oh why didn't he just do that in the first place and save himself the agony of babysitting… Edward cursed quietly and made his way to the living room where he settled on the couch. Shivering, he hugged a pillow, curled up and drifted off to sleep.

Unfortunately for him, , his dream was about miniskirts, milk bottles, screwdrivers and fluffy, oversized moustaches so obviously he wasn't able to sleep well that night.

* * *

Lol... I was wondering what those pillows on the couch were called and my friend said they were cushions. So I was deciding whether to use 'cushion' or 'pillow', but I used pillow in the end… haha ^^;;;

I totally couldn't fit Tucker anywhere in this chapter, so Tucker's part will be an extra! It's right before Edward goes to take a shower… Here it is :D

* * *

"So, Alphonse-kun, do you think this one will work?" Tucker held up a beaker to the helmet on the table. Al thought.

"Hmm… it was supposed to be purplish… right, Tucker-san? This one seems a bit too… pale and pinkish…" He said. Tucker examined the beaker's contents and snapped his fingers.

"It seems you're right, Alphonse-kun! Let's see now… Aw, where's that darn… Oh, here it is…" He grabbed a flask of dark blue liquid.

"What's that, Tucker-san?" Al asked. Tucker paused.

"Well… It's… Um… Well I can't remember the name, but I'm certain it's one of the things we added previously." He grinned, and put the beaker on the table.

Tucker was about to pour in some of the liquid when suddenly, all the lights went off. He screamed in a high pitched voice and accidentally dumped all of the blue liquid into the beaker that was on the table. It started to bubble, and a purple cloud burst up from the mixture into Tucker's face. He coughed loudly.

"Tucker-san! Are you alright?!" Al asked, but Tucker was too busy screaming and waving his hands around frantically to notice.

A while passed with Tucker still screaming, and when the lights finally came back on, Al found him squatting in a corner with his arms over his head.

"Um… Tucker-san…?" Al asked, suddenly losing respect for the older man. Tucker looked up, glancing around before quickly standing up and straightening himself. He cleared his throat.

"Ok, so where was I..."

"Tucker-san?"

"Oh right, I was pouring the…"

"Tucker-san?"

"The… liquids… looks like I'll need to remake them…"

"Tucker-san?"

"Al, can you remember what we used in the previous mixture? And why does everything look so purple?"

"TUCKER-SAN!!!" Tucker jumped and looked in his direction.

"Ah, yes?" He replied, scratching his head.

"Um, your face and your glasses are purple…" Al said softly. Tucker blinked and tried looking for a mirror, but all he saw was purple. He took off his glasses and looked again, and noticed that his entire face was purple, except for the areas that his glasses had covered. He blinked, and scratched his head again.

"Hehe… Woops…"

* * *

Hehe, makes you wonder if Tucker really can complete the antidote, huh? xD

There'll be another 1 or 2 more chapters before this story comes to an end... How time flies, eh? xP


	4. The next day

Ok... here's chapter 4! sorry it was late, kinda caught up in some personal business... and was enjoying the fact that it's the holidays and there isn't any school xD

So anyway, enjoy! :D

* * *

"Ed! Edward! Edward Elric!" Riza shouted into Edward's ear. Said alchemist only groaned and rolled over, hugging the pillow closer to him. Riza gave up and turned to the rest of the kids, shaking her head.

"What's wrong with Eddie?" Roy asked. "We've been calling him for a long time and he still doesn't wanna wake up." He said, and his stomach growled. "And I'm hungry…" He added. Riza sighed.

"We're all hungry… And it looks like there's no one else in the house to make us breakfast." She blinked at the kids who were staring at her and narrowed her eyes at them. "What? Just because I read a lot doesn't mean I know everything. I can't even reach the stove in the first place."

Winry started poking Edward with the handle of her screwdriver. "Maybe Edward's having a nice dream and he doesn't wanna wake up?" She suggested. Armstrong shook his head.

"Naw, it's already noon… his dream can't be that long!" He said, rubbing his moustache(!?). Hawkeye rolled up her sleeves and started shaking Ed.

"Edward, the house is on fire." She said loudly, but Edward just lay on his side. He started sneezing, and it was then when Riza noticed that he felt really warm. While the other kids argued over why Edward wouldn't wake up, Riza walked over to the bookshelf and started browsing.

"The big book of nursery rhymes… Idiot's guide to mechanics… Engineering for dummies…" She continued browsing until she found what she needed, and took them out of the shelf with much difficulty. Struggling with the books, she walked over to the rest of the kids in the living room and slammed the books on the coffee table. The table creaked under the sudden impact, and the kids turned to look at her.

"Alright, I think we'll be needing these two books." She said firmly. Roy looked at the books, then at Riza.

" 'Medicine 101' and 'Cooking with Stupid'?" He raised an eyebrow at her. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Any complaints?" She spat. Roy gulped and shook his head. "Good."

She started flipping through the pages of the first book, and stopped at the page about colds. She briefly glanced through the contents, checked Edward's symptoms, and slammed the book shut when she was done.

"Alright, we will now commence operation 'Ed is not an idiot because he caught a cold! "(1) She shot them stern glances, and they found themselves standing at attention and saluting. Roy groaned.

"This feels oddly familiar… and what kind of operation name is that anyway?"

"Do you have a problem with my naming sense?" Riza walked up to him and pressed her nose to his. Roy pulled back and shook his head frantically.

"NO I DON'T!"

"No who?"

"NO MA'AM!"

"Good. Now shut up and do as I say."

----~~----~~----

"Winry, you're supposed to put in the leek _after_ the water is boiled."

"Woops, sorry!"

"Armstrong, chop faster. The chicken soup isn't chicken soup until there's chicken in the soup."

"Yes Ma'am!"

"Roy, the book says low fire, and that's too strong to be a low fire."

"Okay, okay… Ugh… stupid bossy stuck up naggy gi-woma-old lady -"

"What did you say?" Riza pinched Roy's ear.

"OW OW! WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

"Stupid, bossy something? Go on, I'm listening." Riza stared at him blankly. Roy scratched his head.

"Stupid… bossy… fire? Yeah, fire! I can't control the fire coz it's stupid! And bossy!" He grinned at Riza, who just took the book and whacked him hard on the head. She sighed.

"Just keep the fire up for another 20 minutes, idiot." She took one last glance at Roy to make sure he wasn't up to anything before flipping to her page. Roy pouted, one cheek leaning into his palm as he glanced around. His eyes settled on a small jar about the size of this finger. It was right on the shelf next to him, and contained some bluish green powder. An idea came to his head.

"I'll just take this and put some of it into the soup… then when Ed asks why it tastes so good, I'll tell him it's because I added this stuff in! Yep!" He whispered to himself, and took the jar, secretly adding the powder in…

----~~----~~----

"Ed… wake up…" Winry shook Edward. The older boy's eyes cracked open to stare at her, but he didn't move.

"Winry? Oh yeah, I need to make breakfast…" He tried getting up, but ended up sneezing and with a bad headache. Groaning, he flopped back onto the couch.

"Eddie… Sorry…" Winry said suddenly, clasping her screwdriver. Edward glanced over at her.

"What for?"

"Be… Because… I was playing with the… the heater, and Eddie had to go get me…" She mumbled. Edward recalled last night's events, when he was bathing and Winry was outside messing with the heater controls. He smiled the best smile he could in his current state and put his flesh hand on Winry's head.

"Hmm, that's okay… It was kinda fun…" He said and shivered slightly. Winry blinked at him, before smiling back.

"Riza! He's awake now!" She called. Riza walked over from the kitchen, still reading "Medicine 101". She glanced up at Edward, marked her page and snapped the thick book shut.

"Glad to see you're awake, Edward." She carried the book under her arm and walked closer to stand next to Winry.

"Hi Riza…" Edward said and smiled. Riza took the book and hit his head. Edward held his throbbing AND aching head.

"Ow… what was that for?"

"That was for being stupid enough to go get sick. You do know that as kids, our usefulness is significantly lower than that of adults due to our small frames and inferior intellect. Although both of those descriptions match yours…" She rambled. Edward blinked twice, taking in what she said, before smiling again and ruffling her hair with his free hand.

"Yeah, I was stupid to get sick so easily. But I'm not small. And you're gonna get it when I'm better." His eyes glinted, and Riza smiled slightly before opening her book.

"Ok, so now that mushy mushy bonding time is over, Edward." She said in her usual tone, staring at said alchemist. Edward took his hands back and hid them under the blanket.

"Yeah?" Riza looked down at the book.

"Just to double check… Do you feel cold?"

"Yeah, a little." Edward held back the urge to sneeze.

"Any itchiness?"

"Hmm, not really."

"Sore throat? Cough? Sneezing? Headache?"

"Um… yeah, last night I had that and couldn't sleep." His head spun at the mention of last night. Riza put a hand on his forehead.

"You've got a fever." Edward swallowed.

"Really? Yeah, my forehead does seem warm."

"Yep. Last night you went out in a towel while still wet, right?"

"Uh… yeah…." 'I feel like I'm being interrogated… Looks like Riza's still Riza, even after being turned into a five year old…'

"Ok. I suspected you had a cold, and what you said confirmed it." Riza concluded, dumping the book on the coffee table and folding her arms. Edward blinked.

"Is… that a good thing or a bad thing?" He asked. Riza raised an eyebrow

"Are… you sure you're not an idiot?" (2) She said sarcastically. The golden haired alchemist frowned.

"OI!"

"Anyway, Winry, could you go get the boys over? And bring a bowl of soup with you." Riza turned to Winry, who nodded and was about to run off when Alex Louis Armstrong, sparkles and all, showed up behind them. He carried Roy under his left arm and a bowl with his other hand.

"HOHOHOHOHO! THERE IS NO NEED! FOR I, ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG, HAVE ARRIVED WITH A BOWL OF DELICIOUS CHICKEN SOUP! NOW, EAT UP AS YOU ADMIRE MY BEAUTIFUL MUSCLES! BWAHAHAH-"

"LEMME GO! LEMME GO LEMME GO I NEED TO GO POTTY!" Roy interrupted him, struggling. Armstrong looked at the black haired boy with a seemingly angry face.

"BE QUIET! FOR EDWARD'S HEALTH IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR NEED TO RELIEVE YOUR BLADDER!" he yelled first, before starting an insanely loud and long rant which I have neither the patience nor the desire to write down or listen to.

The two boys continued arguing while Winry watched. Riza, fed up with all the noise, took the bowl of soup from Armstrong and whacked both of them on the head with her book. They immediately quietened down, rubbing the giant bumps on their heads.

"I swear, she's really scary… Whoever works with her when she grows up must be some really unlucky guy." Roy whispered to Armstrong, who merely nodded in case anything he said would result in another whack on the head. (3)

Riza ignored the both of them and turned to Edward. "Here." She held out the bowl to him. Edward looked at it.

"You guys made this?" He looked at Riza, who had her normal expression on. Winry was grinning behind her.

"Yeah. It may not taste like how it should, but it should be edible. So just eat it." Riza commanded. Edward sat up and took the bowl gratefully.

"Thanks guys…"

"Ahem."

"Uh, and girls…"

"Mm hmm."

* * *

Hehe! Next up, Tucker's part...

* * *

"Aha! Finally I've completed the antidote! And I'm 99.9% sure that this will work!" Tucker exclaimed. Al looked on while the older man started hopping around in joy.

"Um, what happened to the other 0.1%?" He asked. Tucker stopped to scratch his head.

"Well, there's always the possibility that it'll fail, but I'm confident about this one!" He said, and resumed his hopping.

"Hmm… Do you think I'll change back if you use that on me?" Al thought aloud, Tucker stopped hopping again.

"Well, looks like we can find out now!" He said, and was about to walk over to Al when his stomach growled, loudly. Both of them fell silent, until Tucker laughed awkwardly.

"But before that, I'm gonna go upstairs to grab something to eat… You want anything, Al?" He smacked his head when he asked that. "Uh… No offense."

"Nah, it's okay. Just go and enjoy your food." Al said politely. Tucker smiled and started up the stairs.

"Such a polite boy… Unlike his brother…"

When he opened the door to the living room, he saw Edward sleeping on the couch. Voices from the back of the house indicated that the kids were quarrelling about something. Tucker smiled briefly before making his way to the kitchen.

He opened the fridge to get a carton of milk, but stopped when he smelt something. Looking around, he spotted a pot on the floor which was surrounded by a big mess. Lifting the lid, he took a whiff.

"Oo, chicken soup! Well, it wouldn't hurt to have some!" He took a small bowl from the rack and ladled some of the soup into it before taking a big gulp.

"Hmm. Edward's cooking sure has improved since the last time we met. But in the end, my cooking is still the best!" He chuckled, and made his way back to the door, still drinking the soup.

However, he completely forgot about the stairs and tumbled down the moment he stepped in, eventually smashing into his work area. The beaker containing the antidote jumped, splashing some onto Al, before crashing onto the floor.

Al changed back immediately, and he looked at his hands in surprise.

"Tucker! You did it! You made the antidote!" He shouted, until he saw the beaker broken on the floor, and the purplish liquid split on the table and floor. Tucker looked up at Al, and his face brightened.

"I TOLD YOU! BWAHAHA, I AM A GENIUS!" He yelled. Al, unsure of what to do, just clapped. Tucker stood up and brushed off some dirt.

"Ok, so where's the antidote?" He asked Al. The latter rubbed the back of his head and pointed to the floor. Tucker blinked, looked down, and started crying.

* * *

Haha! I feel so evil for making a grown man cry :P

Anyways, hope you liked it! Homg, This story's gonna end soon! Ahh! Stay tuned for the last chapter! X.X


	5. The end and a new beginning?

Ok, I'm SO SORRY for taking so long to add one stupid chapter... But... at least i got it up? ^^;;; -shot-

Chapter five of FMBS, Enjoy! :D

* * *

Edward cracked an eye open, struggling to sit up. His head throbbed, and he squeezed his eyes shut. A while passed, and when the throbbing subsided he opened his eyes and got up from the couch.

"Hmm, they're surprisingly quiet…" He glanced outside the window, then at the clock. "3 o'clock, eh… Huh?" The boy blinked, feeling his throat. 'My voice sounds different… slightly… higher… squeakier? Must be the cold…' He took a deep breath, coughing twice, and went to check on the kids.

----~~----~~----

In the other room, Riza was reading her book while making sure that the other kids were sleeping, and that they stayed asleep. Ed knocked softly before entering. Riza's eyes flickered to him before going back to her book.

"Glad to see you're awake. Watch your step." She warned. Edward looked down to find Roy sprawled on the mattress, one hand scratching his exposed stomach. He smiled slightly, and bent down to remove the hand and cover up Roy's stomach (but not before he took a picture).

"So? Why are you up so early?" Riza asked, flipping the page. Ed looked up, surprised.

"Early? It's three in the afternoon! And have you guys eaten anything yet?" He answered. Riza sensed something amiss.

"Ed, what happened to your voice?" She looked up from her book. Edward massaged his throat and groaned.

"Dunno, but it's probably the cold." He sighed and looked around, before looking at Riza.

"How'd you manage to get Roy to stay asleep for so long?" He raised an eyebrow at the toddler. At that moment, Roy stirred and sat up. He was about to start wailing when Riza threw a nearby book at his head, and he instantly fell back onto the mattress, unconscious. It was then when Edward noticed the pile of hard-cover books next to Riza, and well as those lying around and on Roy's mattress.

"Ok…"

"So? You needed something?" Riza bookmarked her page and jumped off from the table she was sitting on. Edward rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh yeah… have you guys eaten lunch yet?" Riza nodded.

"There were some leftovers in the fridge. I had Roy heat it up for us." She motioned to the sleeping boy. Ed tried not to imagine how she did that, and yawned.

"Ok then… if that's the case I'm gonna go back to sleep. My head's starting to hurt again." He knocked his head softly a couple of times with his flesh hand. Riza nodded before she climbed back onto the table and continued reading. Edward exited the room, closing the door gently before he made his way to the living room and went back to sleep on the couch.

----~~----~~----

"Tucker-san, is it done yet?" Al fiddled with his fingers from the other side of the basement/lab. Tucker looked up from his work.

"Almost. I just need this… one…" He grabbed something from the shelf and put it in the beaker containing the supposed antidote. The mixture turned slightly purplish. "Ok, it's done. Al, do you think you could go get the others first? I'll be right behind you."

Al nodded at the older man, starting up the stairs. Tucker sighed at the mixture in his hands. "Stupid thingy took me so long… Well, at least it's done, and it's a good thing Ed didn't drink any of it… I only had enough for four persons after all those failures." He shrugged, capping the bottle tightly before putting it in his pocket and walking up the stairs.

----~~----~~----

Al knocked on the door as softly as he could before opening it slightly. Riza looked at him with wide eyes.

"Alphonse, you're… back to normal. So does that mean the antidote's finished?" She snapped her book shut and put it beside her. Al nodded.

"Yeah, Tucker-san told me to get you guys to meet in the dining a-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Al and Riza looked at each other before looking down at Roy Mustang, State alchemist and Colonel in the Amestrian State Military, Hero of the Ishval Civil War and Superior Officer to _the_ Edward Elric…

Who just so happened to have wet himself upon seeing Alphonse.

----~~----~~----

Twenty minutes later, everyone in the house was sitting around the dining table. Tucker was about to speak, but was interrupted by Roy.

"So… we're all going to drink that yucky looking thingy?" All eyes turned to him.

"Yes, Roy. It'll turn you back into your normal self." Tucker smiled, holding up the beaker and then pouring its contents into four small cups. Edward was the first to notice that the cups were being corroded by the purple… matter, and looked at Al, who merely nodded but motioned for his brother to stay silent. Edward happily complied, since he felt as if his vocal chords were shrinking.

Meanwhile, the four toddlers seemed to be daring each other to drink the antidote first, but they soon also noticed the corroding. And if the liquid was corroding the cups, then not even Riza Hawkeye was going to consume a single drop.

After a prolonged period of silence though, Winry gave in to her sleepiness, Roy became restless, and Edward just sat there frowning as Armstrong tried to silence him. Finally fed up, the blonde alchemist slammed both hands on the table.

"Will one of you just drink it already?!" He yelled in a high pitched voice, earning him a few giggles. Frustrated, he sat back down as the giggles erupted to laughter.

"Will you shut up already, mini-Mustang?!" He yelled at the boy who was literally rolling on the floor laughing. A few seconds later, he still didn't stop, and Edward was about to pick him up and throw him out the window when Riza cleared her throat.

Roy immediately stopped laughing and sat down properly. Another glare from her prompted Roy to pick up one of the corroding cups and gulp down the liquid in 2.29 seconds. All eyes turned to her as they all thought the same thought.

"How in the homunculus fish stick pizzas did she do that?!"

And they figured it out when they saw the 1000-page hard cover novel she was holding behind her back.

----~~----~~----

When nothing wrong happened to Roy (except for a loud fart, but that was typical mini Roy-ish), the other three kids were then convinced that the antidote was safe for human consumption and finished up their share of it.

So now, a normal Winry, Riza, Armstrong and Roy were standing in place of their mini-versions.

"WE'RE BACK TO NORMAL! THANK YOU SHOU TUCKER! TO SHOW MY THANKS, I SHALL BESTOW UPON YOU THE TRADITIONAL ARMSTRONG FAMILY HUG OF GRATITUDE!" Major Armstrong cried tears of joy as he strangled Tucker in a bear hug. Everyone stared at the weird scene before turning back to their own business.

"So… Fullmetal, is it me or have you grown shorter?" Roy smirked as he put a hand on Edward's head.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD HAVE BEEN MISTAKEN FOR A 5-YEAR OLD ROY MUSTANG?!" He screamed, and Alphonse had to stop hugging Winry long enough to restrain him like he usually did. This earned him a snort from Roy.

"I see your voice has gone higher as well. Congratulations, Edward. Maybe your growth spurt would come soon after your voice-breaking."

"!!!!"

SMACK.

Roy hid in a corner, holding his aching head while Riza dropped the book on the table, which collapsed under the weight.

"Do not bully the Edward." Riza said calmly, pulling a glass of milk out of nowhere and downing it quickly. Edward had no idea whether to be grateful that she had "saved" him, or disgusted that she seemed to be enjoying the milk. In any case…

He now knew that he should never get on Riza's bad side.

"Hey, Ed?" Said alchemist turned to find a flying spanner heading towards him. He dodged it, and it went flying over his head to whack Roy. He snickered, only to find an automail arm slapping him and sending him flying. He got up, grabbing his cheek and pointing in Winry's face.

"WHAT THE BLOODY ENVY IS YOUR PROBLEM, WOMAN?!" He yelled, and a can of oil hit him in the head. He grunted and fell backwards.

"You haven't been oiling your automail! You know I could kill you for that!" She screamed back angrily, but calmed down soon enough. "But anyway, thanks for… you know, the blackout." She mumbled softly for only the both of them to hear. Edward sat up, rubbing his head.

"Hmm? Ah, that. Nah you're welcome. Just stop killing my brain cells with your tools." He grumbled, and Winry smiled at him before turning on her heels.

"Well, back to the workshop. Those automail won't fix themselves, you know." And Roy Mustang took this chance to tower over him.

"No seriously, Fullmetal. You better hand over those damn photos or I'm gonna burn you alive." He glared at the blonde, who had stood up and was dusting himself off. For a second, Edward really considered handing over the camera to Roy, but remembered that Riza had confiscated his gloves. So he smirked at the Colonel, who had put on his I'm-really-pissed-off-now-so-you-should-listen-to-whatever-I-say face.

"Well, you don't have your gloves with you so you can't burn me alive! :D" Edward retorted, and a bottle of kerosene was poured on him, and Roy was grinning evilly while holding up a lighter.

The next few seconds saw a kerosene-soaked Edward running out the door with a lighter-holding Roy running after him.

Ruler line here

Well, that's it folks! :D sorry I took so long to update, I could've sworn I uploaded this… but apparently I forgot to post -_-

Anyway, this is the last chapter of Fullmetal Babysitter, hope you all enjoyed it!

Oh, there's a second part below… Keep going! :D

* * *

"Fullmetal? Oi, Chibi!" Roy called as he trudged through the forest. He checked his pocket watch and sighed. "It's been thirteen minutes, I've searched everywhere, and I still can't find him. This is bad." He mumbled, snapping the watch shut before continuing his search.

As he walked further into the maze of trees, a rustle from behind him caught his attention, and he found the source of the rustling to be a bush. 'It might be him…' He thought, and without further thought dived into the bush to pin down his target. Expecting fierce struggling, he was surprised when there was only a light thrashing, and he looked down to get the biggest shock of his life.

A five year old Edward Elric was staring up at him, and looked like he was about to cry. Which he soon did, and all Roy could do was stare at the crying boy.

"Oh, crap."

* * *

Hehe, i feel evil.

Alright, I would like to thank everyone who has read, reviewed or added this story to favourties. Really helped to boost my "writing spirit', haha ^^ Wow, I actually finished a story... This is amazing. :P

And so... Anyone up for a sequel? :D

Edit

To respond to a review by Savannah who asked how Alphonse turned into a rock when he couldn't eat in the first place, ...

... Food fight :D


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